Got Integrity?

 Since the first of the year, I have been on the receiving end of a small deluge of emails, blog posts, newsletters, and other types of messages about integrity or about being true to one’s self.   I have been considering the fact that we often receive the information we need, when we need it, so I have begun to examine my own life for “lapses” in these areas.  Not a bad thing to do at the start of a new year – or at any other time, for that matter.  After all, there isn’t one of us who is perfect; who couldn’t benefit from some self-reflection on the subject of personal integrity, authenticity, and self-acceptance.  And really, they are all very related to one another.

In the Talmud, Akiba is admonished by his rabbi for worrying that he will die a failure; for not having lived a life like Moses.  But his rabbi reminds him that God will not judge him for not being like Moses; rather, God will judge him for not being Akiba.  Brilliant.  And isn’t this what living with integrity really is?   It’s about being ourselves; about bringing to the world the gifts within us – love, compassion, joy, and our own unique talents.  It’s about accepting and respecting ourselves, warts and all, and about extending that same acceptance and respect to others.

Stacy Charter says it this way: “There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout: This is me damn it!  I look the way I look; think the way I think; feel the way I feel; love the way I love.  I am a whole complex package.  Take me or leave me.   Accept me or walk away.  Do not try to make me feel like less of a person just because I don’t fit your idea of who I should be, and don’t try to change me to fit your mold.  If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.”   

Wow – not easy to do in a society that rewards compliance.  And this is not about going through life like a bull in a china shop.  Rather, it is about not pretending to be people we aren’t (usually to please someone else).  It is about really accepting ourselves as we are, knowing that we are works in progress; knowing that the work is never done; knowing that we must follow our own paths – our own moral compasses, regardless of what others may think.  It’s a tall order, but absolutely worth the effort because, until we fully love ourselves, accept ourselves, and feel compassion for ourselves, we cannot extend these attitudes toward others.  A half-filled cup cannot runneth over.  And surely, without self-love and self-acceptance, we cannot live lives of integrity – lives in which our beliefs, words and actions all line up, making it possible for us to do what we believe is “right,” regardless of the consequences.

If you – or someone you know – has spent a lot of time attempting to live up to others’ expectations, you know how that approach to life drains us, to the point that we may actually forget who we really are.  Repeatedly saying “yes” when we really want to say “no” is exhausting in its insidious erosion of our true essence.  Neither should we be always saying “no” when we really want to say “yes” to those activities that stir our souls.  Both are denials of our true nature and compromises of our integrity.

 “Be yourself.  Then you are going to be really unique and exciting.  People are going to beat a path to your door if you polish your inner self.”       —–Robert D. Ballard

And wouldn’t our relationships be so much more enjoyable – so much less WORK – if we could all relate to one another from this place of personal authority?  I am blessed to know people who really live this philosophy, and it is a joy to be around them.  No second-guessing what they really want; what they really mean; who they really are.  And it doesn’t matter if they are at work, at home with their families, or socializing with friends.  They simply are who they are.

  “This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.”    —–William Shakespeare

So many people are afraid to express their true natures – afraid they won’t be accepted; afraid they don’t measure up; afraid to really live, despite the fact that those who really love us would never expect or ask us to be anyone but who we really are.  With compassion, let’s embrace the uniqueness and the beauty that lies within each and every one of us, and remind one another – over and over — that we are enough, just as we are.  Do it for someone else.  Do it for you.

   Because the world really needs people of integrity.

Tags: akiba, authenticity, compassion, integrity, moral compass, robert ballard, self-acceptance, stacy charter, william shakespeare